Pre-party anxiety

Right now, my stomach is all knotted up and earlier I felt like I could possibly throw up.  Yay anxiety.
I’m having a small birthday party at an ice rink Saturday, and the anxiety is starting to build up.  I have social anxiety, but luckily it’s started to get a lot better this year and the end of last.  This is the most anxiety I’ve had in a while, which is a good thing.
But still, I feel this dread building inside me…
My anxiety will come in different shapes and forms, but one of the worst types is the “dread anxiety” I will get.  It’s not panicky, it’s not severe I-feel-like-I-could-die anxiety, but just this dread of anticipation where I know the situation is going to be unpredictable.
I get the most anxiety at parties, especially ones that have no solid schedule and people just do whatever.
There’s just so many possibilities in my mind of something going wrong.  What if I have no one to talk to, and I’m just standing alone and everyone thinks I’m a friendless loser?  What if none of the people I know show up, or what if they show up late?
I especially get anxiety at parties that I’m throwing.  So many birthday parties and other parties I’ve thrown in the past have seem to go wrong (or at least to me) because people aren’t really talking and nobody knows what to do.  Then I’ll go to my friends’ parties, and everyone is laughing and seems to be having a good time and mixing well together.
Part of me wishes I could have my birthday party at my house, but I would get too much anxiety to do that.  I don’t know why, it’s hard to explain…but I just would.  I guess because of my past party failures.  So I would prefer to go someplace like an ice rink.
And I’m not complaining about my anxiety.  I’ve come so far with it, so I have no reason to complain.  I guess writing about it helps me in a way.  I never talk about my anxiety to people.  It’s always been super personal and private to me.  To me, it’s a big deal that I’m even writing this.  So I guess this is a good thing.
But anyway, I’m trying to remind myself right now that what I’m feeling is uncomfortable, not dangerous.  It won’t be the end of the world if something goes wrong at the party, or it doesn’t turn out exactly the way I want it to.  That’s life.  And I just gotta deal with it.


3 thoughts on “Pre-party anxiety

  1. I TOTALLY understand the “dread anxiety” feeling. I get it in a lot of areas of my life, but especially about socializing! My first reaction to making plans with people, even people I love dearly, is dread. Why is that?! I just have to keep reminding myself that it’ll be okay once I’m there (maybe even–gasp–fun). And you’re right, “what I’m feeling is uncomfortable, not dangerous.” That’s exactly it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ahhh I know exactly how you feel 100% I have general mild anxiety, so it doesn’t occur often, but it does come about for times like you mentioned. I can’t eat for days sometimes, I throw up, I get so nervous for rationally no reason at all. I haven’t been invited to a party in a long time, which is fine with me (I just hang with 2-3 friends when possible) but I get anxiety before guitar lessons (afraid I’ll mess up or do poorly) and then whenever I was to cross paths with this person I once was acquainted with–he definitely gives me anxiety because I acted foolishly and frankly I have no CLUE as to why I am anxious it’s ludicrous. But like you said “that’s life.” :/ It’s stupid because I’m totally fine every time, but it’s just the dreading of the unpredictable. Hope you’re doing well 🙂


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s