So I am the kind of person to be stuck in the past and obsess over the future. I try not to, but it just happens. It’s been getting better, but still, my anxiety has started shifting a lot to the future recently.
I’ve been thinking about stuff like college, moving out, driving, etc. I mean, it’s not even the thought of “I don’t know what to do with my future” that gives me anxiety. I know I want to go to college, and know what I want to do, but the thought of the future just…scares me. I don’t really know where I want to go to college at all. People will ask me the question, “So, where do you want to go??” And I don’t know. But honestly I don’t see that as a problem, because I still have time to figure it out.
And recently I started driving, and so far it’s been going pretty good. When I first started, I had some MAJOR anxiety. The thought of being on the road and possibly getting in a crash or getting lost really freaked me out. But I’m becoming more comfortable with it, so that’s good.
But the thought of growing up and having to do stuff for myself just scares me. Don’t get me wrong, I want to do stuff for myself, and I like being independent. But it just makes me anxious in a way I can’t explain. I guess what is most scary about the future is it being so unpredictable. And I like predictable.
It’s frustrating because I take baby steps for most things in life because of my anxiety. Sometimes I feel like I’m a step behind everyone else. Things that aren’t that big of a deal for most people are the kind of things that keep me up at night, and cause me to majorly stress. And the things that make most people anxious give me the same effect six times more.
And I know the prospect of future is a common fear for most people, but still.
I worry about next year. I worry about next week. I worry about 10 years from now. My mind won’t shut off.
So I’ve been trying to figure out how to balance myself somewhere in the middle. Not be stuck in the past, and not to obsess over the future, but live in the now. Take each day a day at a time, and let the future unfold.
That will definitely be something that will take a while for me to master though. So for now, I’m just trying to deal with everything as best as I can, day by day.
If you can relate somewhat, what are some ways that keep you grounded in the present? I would love to hear.